South Park Responds to Fanfiction!
by XxUnwrittenxX
Summary: Ever wonder what the South Park kids think about fanfiction? Well, now you can see for yourself what they think! Rated T for now, for swearing. May end up going to an M.
1. Kyle's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

Hello, for one. My name is Kyle Broflovski. I'm in quite a lot of the South Park stories on .

Now, I'll get to the point of this whole thing. STOP PAIRING ME UP WITH OTHER GUYS. Seriously.

Okay, I can KINDA see where you got the whole Stan and Kyle thing, but WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. Best friends forever. Not Boyfriends forever. Nobody in their right MINDS could see us fucking!

I really don't see why you like to pair me up with Kenny either. K2? Really? Why couldn't you come up with a better pairing name? K2... Jesus Christ. Although it sounds like something Kenny would like. Kenny's a perv.

WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD I LIKE CARTMAN! YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING INSANE! HE IS A NO GOOD, LAZY, RACIST FATASS! WHY IN THE FUCKING FUCK WOULD I FUCK HIM? YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! FUCKING SICK! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!

Sorry for being so loud... but seriously. Come on, people. Get real. NONE of this is going to happen.

Sometimes, I get paired with people that you guys make up. Heh. At least it's better then getting paired with Fatass.

But anyway, WHY IS ROMANCE SO POPULAR? Seriously. I want to know. Why can't we just be friends? (Well, not Cartman. He's a fucking dipshit with no life. I hate his guts.)

And when I'm not a main character, I'm one of the supporting characters, WHO ENDS UP FUCKING STAN ANYWAYS.

Cut the gay bullshit and STOP INCORPORATING ME INTO THESE KINDS OF STORIES.

Thank you.

-Kyle

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**Sorry, Kyle! Geez... O_O**

**Anyway, I'll make something like this for every character and sooner or later, I'll be finished! :D**


	2. Stan's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the second chapter!**

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Dear writers,

Hello. My name is Stan Marsh, from South Park, Colorado. I'm a target character for a lot of your so-called "fanfics."

Well, here. Let me tell you something.

DON'T INCLUDE ME IN YOUR ROMANCE STORIES.

You all seem to think I'm one of the most expendable characters, pairing me up with anyone and everyone.

For one, Kyle and I are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Best friends. I guess if I could be gay with anyone in South Park, it'd be Kyle, but still! THAT DOESN'T PROVE ANYTHING!

I don't know much of any fanfics about me and Cartman, (which makes me very fucking happy) but there are a lot of YouTube videos of Cartman and I. WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT? You know what? I'm not even gonna go there.

Kenny? Why Kenny? He's a perv who probably wants this to actually happen, but no. Just... NO.

And I actually heard that some people think CRAIG and I would be good together. WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU.

Sometimes I'm paired up with some of the characters you guys make up. And that's fine. At least I'm not getting paired up with Fatass or Perv...

When I'm not one of the main characters in the story, I end up being a fag anyway. It's either that, or I'm one of the main character's friends.

So... yeah. Please do NOT include me in a romance story (unless it's with Wendy. THEN I can accept it.)

-Stan Marsh

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**Next chapter will be Kenny! Please review and favorite if you liked it or have any thoughts about it!**


	3. Kenny's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the third chapter!**

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Fanfiction writers,

Hi. I'm Kenny McCormick, from South Park, Colorado. I've been reading all the stories about me on the website and I have a few comments.

THANK YOU for capturing my personality.

Okay, I have a few comments about who I'm usually paired up with in the stories:

Kyle- Eh. He's kinda hot. I guess I'd tap that.

Stan- Hm. Very interesting. I'd be all in if he wasn't dating Wendy.

Cartman- Okay, come on. There is NO CHANCE IN HELL of me fucking him. Seriously. Who came up with this?

Butters- Innocent, sweet little Butters. I know, I'm a pervert, but hey. I'm not complaining about this one!

And when I'm not one of the main characters, I'm a kickass gangster who's usually hassling one of the main characters. Now, I'm not THAT mean to anybody.

And sometimes I'm my superhero identity! Mysterion! Come on, people. EVERYONE knows that I'm Mysterion by now. I am a kickass hero who ends up saving the day for everyone!

I'm a fucking AWESOME person! THANK YOU!

That's about all there is. Now that I mention it, I'm not really complaining! THANKS FOR THE GOOD WORK AND KEEP IT UP!

Love,

Kenny McCormick

P.S. Thanks for not making me die all the time! I appreciate it!

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**Next chapter will be Cartman! This should be fun... :)**


	4. Cartman's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the fourth chapter! (Keyah is Kyle)**

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Writers,

Hey, my name is Eric Cartman, soon-to-be ruler of the universe.

EY! I AM THE FUTURE MODERN-DAY HITLER AND YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!

Now, please listen to my comments on your romance stories.

Now, I'm usually paired off with Keyah. HE IS A DIRTY JEW WITH A GAY-ASS GINGER AFRO! WHY WOULD I FUCK HIM?

Sometimes, I'm paired with Kenny. HA HA HA! NO, DUDE. NO FUCKING WAY! Hey! Hey Kenny! I just thought up a poor joke! Excuse me while I go insult the shit out of Kenny.

And sometimes I'm paired with Stan. Eh. He's okay.

I know that sometimes people even think Butters and I would be a good couple. HA HA! You people are insane if you think THAT would ever happen!

When I'm not a main character, I'm an asshole who likes to torture everyone else. Come on now, that's just mean. I'm not like that! Just because I don't like Keyah and think he's a fucking asshole jew-fag who deserves to get the shit beat out of him, I'm not a mean person.

So FUCK YOU ALL AND RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!

Now, I'm gonna go and get something to eat. I'm hella hungry.

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**Next chapter will be Craig. :D**


	5. Craig's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the fifth chapter!**

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Writers:

*flips you all off*

-Craig

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**Next chapter will be Tweek. :D**


	6. Tweek's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the sixth chapter!**

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Dear fanfiction writers,

GAH! PRESSURE! Well, uh... My name is Tweek... from South Park...

You all seem to think that making me and Craig have sex is funny! ARE YOU WORKING WITH THE GNOMES?

GAH! I really don't like being paired with Craig! Excuse me while I go get a coffee.

Ah. Much better.

Anyway, please stop. Wait... why am I writing to people I don't know? YOU COULD BE SPIES! OR WORSE, YOU COULD BE GNOMES! GAH! JESUS CHRIST! I better get more coffee!

-Tweek

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**Next chapter will be Timmy.**


	7. Timmy's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the seventh chapter!**

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Timmeh Timmeh Timmeh,

Timmeh. TIMMMEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH! Timmeh. Timmeh Timmeh Timmeh.

-Timmy

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**Next chapter will be Wendy.**


	8. Wendy's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the eighth chapter!**

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Dear Fanfiction writers,

Hello, my name is Wendy Testaburger, and I am from South Park, Colorado. I have some comments and complaints on some of the stories you write about me and my boyfriend, Stan Marsh.

First of all, these are my comments on stories that include me.

First, thank you for including me in your stories. I appreciate it.

But I've noticed that I'm frequently used in romance fanfics, and some of them aren't with Stan.

I've been paired with Stan, which I like. Thanks to everyone who wrote such cute stories about me and Stan!

But I've also frequently been paired with Cartman. I may have had some sexual tension, but I kissed him and I don't intend on ever doing it again. One question though. WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO PAIR ME OFF WITH THAT FATASS?

And there are stories that pair me with Bebe. Bebe is my friend, and I'm not a lesbian. Maybe Bebe is, but I don't ever plan on doing ANYTHING funny with her.

Now, here's my thoughts on everyone who writes about Stan.

STAN IS MINE AND ONLY MINE, SO STOP TRYING TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT HIM AND OTHER GIRLS! Wait... I'm looking on the site right now. YOU'RE PAIRING MY STAN WITH BOYS! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Hold on, Stan's telling me something. (Stop acting like a freak.) I'M NOT ACTING LIKE A FREAK! (I don't care that people write about me with other people. I only like you.) Aww... baby!

-Wendy Testaburger

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**Next chapter will be Bebe.**


	9. Bebe's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the ninth chapter!**

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Dear writers,

Hi. I'm Bebe Stevens, from South Park. I have a few thoughts on your fanfic writing.

1.) Why do you guys insist on me liking Wendy as more than a friend? We're not lesbians.

2.) JUST because I think Kyle's ass is sexy DOESN'T make me love him. He just has a hot ass.

3.) I only dated Clyde because of the shoes. NOT because I was in love with him.

4.) I've noticed some of you writing fiction about me and Craig. Yes, it's FICTION. I don't really think he's my type.

That's about it... Now I've gotta sneek a peek at Kyle's ass before the bell rings!

-Bebe

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**Next chapter will be Clyde.**


	10. Clyde's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the tenth chapter!**

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Fanfic writers,

Yo! What's up? My name is Clyde Donovan, a.k.a. God's gift to women, and I live in South Park.

Yeah, I'm still kinda cocky from being named the hottest guy in class at one time. And I got Bebe Stevens for a while, so I'm pretty damn good!

I don't know much about this site, so I'll just say this:

You're all okay.

Well, except for some of you who think it's funny to make me and Craig date, or me and Token. I'm not gay, and I don't think I ever will be. Maybe you could ask Butters for advice in that field.

No offense, Butters.

-Clyde

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**Next chapter will be Butters.**


	11. Butters's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the eleventh chapter!**

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Writers on the internet,

Well, golly. Hi there. My name is Leopold Stotch, but you can call me Butters. I live in South Park. I recently read some of the stories that you guys post here for everyone, and I wanna have some input.

Oh hamburgers, everyone's taking the whole 'bi-curious' thing of mine too far. Now all anyone seems to talk about is how everyone thinks I'm gay and have the hots for everyone I get paired up with!

A lot of you think I like Kenny, and it's sorta true. I like him as a friend, but I would never go beyond that. Gee, I could imagine HIM wanting to, he's a bit dirty.

Some of you think I like Cartman, and it's true as well. I think he's okay, and I wanna be his friend, but he just curses and yells at me, which makes me angry.

I really like how well you fit my personality. It's almost like everything is actually happening. You guys almost have me spot-on!

And now I suppose I'll have to compliment you on how well you write Professor Chaos. I'm sure everyone knows I'm Professor Chaos.

So, if you make a story about me and Kenny or me and Cartman, by golly it better be friendship!

Keep up the good work everyone!

-Butters

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**Next chapter will be Pip.**


	12. Pip's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the (long waited) twelfth chapter!**

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Dearest writers on Fanfiction,

'Ello there. My name is Phillip Pirrup, but everyone calls me Pip. I find your writing to be very amusing, although I have a few revisions.

Why must you insist on making Damien and I begin romantic (and mostly often intimate) relationships? I have nothing against the ol' bloke, but I cannot help but wonder how the whole thing started.

Really, it is nothing against the chap, but I am not interested in ever getting involved romantically with him.

Some of you have remarkable grammar, and others, sadly, cannot seem to grasp how to put the words together to form correct sentences. I am terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen who write this so-called "fanfiction", but this disturbs me a little. If you are writing, then why can you not check your spelling errors and wording correctly?

Other than that, I see no problems with this.

I think that does it for my letter. Cheerio, then.

-Phillip Pirrup

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**Next chapter will be... I don't know... Maybe Damien? What do you guys think?**


	13. Damien's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the (long waited) thirteenth chapter!**

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Fanfiction Writers-

Hello, there. I am Damien Thorne, and I am from Hell. Literally. My father is the devil. I am the spawn of Satan. Fear me!

Now, I have a few demands for you all. First off, stop trying to write me and Pip love stories. I don't love Pip. He's too nice. In fact, I worry that he could be an angel.

Why must you write sex scenes as well? I would totally do it, but Pip would never do it, like the little bastard he is.

Secondly, stop making me be with characters from the depths of your minds. I wouldn't want to be with someone unless they proved to me that they were evil enough. And you know me. My dad is Satan. Nothing evil will ever be good enough for me other than that.

Well, I suppose I should stop now, seeing as the dumb popular kids keep trying to call me names.

See you all in hell.  
-Damien Thorne

_Hey, it's Kyle again. That little pussy was writing this? Oh, I thought he was writing in his stupid GIRLY diary. Shit, I better go. If anyone finds me writing on something that has DAMIEN'S name on it, they'll probably kill me. -Kyle_

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_Later that day..._

Damien went to put his letter in the mail, but when he read it, something was different...

"AGGGGGGHHHH... GODDAMN SHIT-FACES WRITING ON MY GODDAMN PAPER! FUCKING IMBECILES! I WILL MAKE THEM PAY! THEY WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! THOSE BASTARDS!"

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**Next chapter will be... I dunno, I guess Ike?**

**Oh, I forgot to mention. Dani-Ela-Nati-chan is making this story in Spanish so more people can read it! Go check that out! It's under "Respondiendo a las Fangirls" and if you can't understand some of the writing on mine, which is in English, you can go read that! :D**


	14. Ike's Letter

**A/N: Why, hello there! This is a South Park story, and I am the writer, here to talk about things that are NOT important to the story in ANY WAY! :D Please enjoy this short little story about the South Park kids when they discover fanfiction! :D This is the (long waited) fourteenth chapter! Note that all spelling errors are merely due to Ike's age and intelligence level. Trust me; the spelling bothers me as much as it does you.**

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Deer fanfikshun riterz,

Hi thare! My nayme iz Ike and Im Kyul's bruthor. Ive red all yore storeez and... who am I kiding? I cant reed! Well Kyul red them all to me and I wan to say sum thingz.

Furst, wy do yew mayk me kiss my bruthor? Weer bruthorz! Weer famuhwee! Well teknikcullee, weer bruthors by uhdopshun, but stil, itz rong!

Sekund, wy do yew mayk Kyul kiss Stan? Deyr juzt fwends. He alwedee sed sumthing abowt it, but I wanned to say sumthing to becuz I wuv my bruthor.

I theenk thatz it. If I culd reed I woodof red them miself.

Cinceerlee,

Ike

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**Oh, I forgot to mention. Dani-Ela-Nati-chan is making this story in Spanish so more people can read it! Go check that out! It's under "Respondiendo a las Fangirls" and if you can't understand some of the writing on mine, which is in English, you can go read that! :D**


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